Nancy and I have been spending our early morning hours over coffee, reflecting and examining our life and ministry. These times together have confronted me with the recognition that for years I have pursued God for the wrong reasons. I wanted Him for what He could do for me and not for who He is.
I had made my relationship with the Lord about me, my desires, and having a fruitful ministry. I felt really good about myself when my life was full of ministry activity. Tasks gave me a feeling of importance. Was busyness a sign of significance? Why was it important to be important? Was it because I measured my value to God and others by what I accomplished?
My motivation and desire have been really messed up. It astounds me that God has used me.
I lived with an open-door mentality: if there is an open door it must mean that God wants me to walk through it. I didn’t need to have God speak to me, I just listened for the sound of a door opening.
I wanted God for all the wrong reasons. I pursued Him for the things he could do for me: health, greater ministry and opportunities, finances and more. Loving God for what He could do for me meant that I did not really love Him. I am exhausted from trying to make ministry happen.
I am asking the Father to continue to revive in me my need to seek Him, knowing that He alone will lead and guide me the rest of my days. Please pray for me.
This song, “Oh, I Want to Know You” by Steve Fry from the 1983 musical “We Are Called” says it better than I can.
- greater faith and trust in God as we seek to know him
- wisdom as we plan for travel for the rest of the year
- that we learn to minister in the power of the Holy Spirit
- that we would come to know God in deeper way and serve him for who He is